A Dot in the Universe...

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are you looking for me? or am i supposed to look for you?

Sunday, August 23, 2009


when you look at your friends with their partners,

you smile and be happy for them,

but at the back of our minds we say,

"Sana Ako Din..."

Saturday, August 15, 2009

So many questions....

1. Why is it that everytime I'd try to move on, you'd always call my name back?

2. Why is it that everytime you call my name back, I'd tell myself, "I am not moving on."?

3. Why is it that everytime you don't make a move, I miss you a lot?

4. Why is it that everytime I miss you a lot, I get so paranoid?

5. Why is it that everytime I end up waiting, I turn from patient to bitter?

6. Why is it that everytime I get mad at you, it never shows?

7. Why is it that despite the madness I feel, just one touch from you, and everything I hated about you just disappears?

8. Why is it that I feel hurt but I don't wanna stop the pain?

9. Why do I hate that I love you?

10. Why you?

Monday, August 3, 2009


it all starts with YOU. YOU being single and alone, needs to feel that YOU are loved. cared for. someone to be with. someone to talk to. a friend, but YOU seriously needed more than that.

YOU surfed. signed in to every social networking site YOU know of - pinoyg4m, manjam, dudesnude, downelink, planetromeo, and YOU even still be wishing fabuloush was still up and running, and checked.. stared through pictures and videos made available. YOU logged on to your favorite mirc chatrooms - bi-manila and salsalan - just to find what YOU are looking for.

"hi, just read your profile. i find YOU interesting. blah blah blah. maybe we can chat sometime... here's my YM id.. talk to YOU soon..."

"im looking for someone to chat with. sensible guy here..."

it's taking YOU hours to find one. or perhaps to get a reply. YOU ran out of manjam viewing slots for the day coz YOU are not a premium member. your eyes get sore reading long but useless profiles. YOU get stucked with guys YOU know YOU can never have. YOU open links with pictures of a hot guy but then he is only looking for sex.. a j/o buddy or an SOP...

after a few hours of uneventful searching, YOU finally realize to end the day. maybe tomorrow, luck will finally struck you. but before YOU hit the signout button of one of the networking sites, a pink box shows up and says, "YOU have a message" eager to know who was that guy, YOU clicked on "yes" to read the message..

"hi there. thanks for sending me a message. here's my YM id. i'm online now..."

apparently, luck has struck YOU earlier than expected. YOU immediately opened up your YM messenger and added him up. and ping. YOU are now talking to each other. a smooth conversation comes between the both of YOU. YOU talk about anything under the sun, the basics, the usual NASLs and just everything "discussable.." unfortunately, one has to go. and it wasn't you. YOU certainly hoped that the conversation wouldn't end even if work was waiting for YOU the next day.

"can i have your number?"

YOU, without hesitations gave your number.. hoping he'd give YOU a ring or something.. and then there was goodbye. YOU never got the chance to get his number. your work has paid off. YOU are gonna be sleeping soundly and with a smile tonight. but before the bed bugs started to bite, YOU feel your cellphone vibrating. it was him. it was just a number, but YOU certainly know it was him. your instinct never failed you.

the conversation continued. its like the night would never end. YOU were finishing each other's sentences and filling up each others interests. the guy decided it was better off done over the phone, so he asks for your home phone. "message sent" then your landline starts ringing.

after realizing that YOU really needed to end the day, coz it was actually starting, there goes the long goodbye. YOU feel the chills on your spine, YOU feel the goosebumps and YOU noticed that your heart quite skipped a beat.

the next day YOU started the morning wth happiness and eagerness. YOU pick up your phone. checked for new messages. ignored every message until YOU find his. and there it was. YOU felt so happy he never forgot YOU. YOU read his message over and over again. mumbling. and smiling. your like one anime character with hearts on his eyes and superblushy cheeks. YOU cant concentrate coz YOU are thinking of him. YOU been caught staring at your computer screen but YOU say "what the heck!"

after a few exchange of SMSs YOU realize he wasn't replying anymore. YOU tell yourself that he might just be busy. he might just be doing something else. or perhaps, he must have run out of battery power. YOU decide to let this pass. a few hours later, YOU decided to send him a message. eagerly waited for a reply, but again. no respone. YOU again tell yourself reasons. be patient. YOU end the day no getting any message from him. YOU feel sad. YOU feel lonely. YOU start to lose patiience.

YOU tried to reach out through his social networking account. YOU send him message. gentle messages. "how are you?" "why haven't YOU replied?" "are YOU busy?" he's not online. maybe he'll reply the moment he gets it. again, YOU tried to make patience a virtue. YOU sent him a bunch of undemanding SMSs. still no reply. YOU tried to call him through his phone - busy tone.

another day has passed, YOU checked on your account - no replies. YOU tried to call him, no answer. YOU start to become a ticking bomb, yet YOU realize that was not gonna help. so YOU try to think. to reason out his actions. maybe he lost his phone. maybe he doesnt have phone credits. may his phone was stolen. or maybe he broke his phone. your imagination goes way out of reality to rationalize what's happening.

your patience is over. YOU are mad. but apparently don't have reasons to. YOU send him another set of messages. "why won't YOU talk to me..." "did i do something wrong?" "why have't YOU replied?" "just tell me if YOU don't want me around?" "is it to hard for YOU to reply?" YOU opened your YM and started messaging him the same messages. a few minutes later, he gets online. YOU realize he has read your messages but never replied to them. then his YM ID shows online, YOU started asking him the same questions. YOU have become naughtier. more impatient. and bitter. 30 minutes have passed. a bunch of messages. a bunch of pings and buzzes. no reply. an hour, and YOU still haven't given up. and hour and a half. 2 hours...

"what? im busy"

"so spare me now okay"

YOU felt a drop of water roll down your cheeks. goosebumps started getting back but it wasn't the same as before. YOU realize tonight will be one of your worst nights ever.

it wasn't YOU who was the ticking bomb. it was him. YOU have made him a ticking bomb. YOU realize that it was over. it was never over, cause it never even started...

...some things are just better left unknown...