Latest Mistake

[was originally written in the office, 4th of October 2009]

i am in no condition to work right now. not because i feel sick.. we'll, a little.. would a broken heart be included? but because i drank last night. three bottles of san mig light. i know you'd say, "oh c'mon, three bottles and you're drunk?" but for someone like me who haven't tasted a beer for years, i'd say i'd be drunk on the second. and with a pair of pants smelling like shit cause a friend on mine spilled beer on it, that has made going to work worse.

he brightened up my day. he came home from work and his smile was heavenly. i can definitely stare at his face for a long long time. he wasn't aloof when he sat down and ate his dinner. he was actually speaking up and laughing... and that felt really comfortable. however, he had to go to sleep, work had restrained him from joining our booze fest.

before we went to bed, i got to look at him. a sleeping angel indeed. i wanted to touch him, to caress him, to kiss him, but i just can't. apparently his reluctance to go any further with our budding relationship has created a wall that neither his housemate / my friend can break. now i know how the phrase "so close, yet so far" means.

before i left their house for work, i left a gift beside his pillow. it was a teddy bear, with a tear and a handkerchief which says "i miss you." i really wanted an "i'm sorry" bear - however i wasn't able to find one. i guess this must be the nearest.

i sent him a message the moment i arrived at work. saying that i left a gift for him, more like an apology for what happened before. he said he had forgotten it a long time ago. i asked him if we can go out again - a friendly date, perhaps. he said yes, as long as he is free. i do hope it happens.

before i went to their place, i had mandy moore's latest mistake on the loop on my ipod. i decided to change it to jordin sparks' one step at a time...

[i guess changing it to jordin's one step at a time was my latest mistake after all...]