Busy Me...

Julian is busy...

1. Being placed on the hotseat by their Project Manager...

2. Relaxing his neck and head so that he can hold the violin without using his hands...

3. Looking at multitudes of pictures of photographers thinking he can make shots as good as what they have...

4. Trying to make weaves, butterflies, wraps and flowers using socks filled with crumpled paper...

5. Making sure that his crops won't rot, waiters and chefs won't get tired and he gets to attack people who robbed, fought and hit-listed him...

6. Trying to review his physiology, genetics and virology books, despite the fact the he has no use for it... and he has stacks of pocketbooks and mags to finish...

7. And confused organizing his music files into folders, playlists and ensures that every file has an album art and belongs to a playlist.. this is on top of his future downloads...

8. Scouring the web for the best gay independent films...

9. Getting in touch with all of his friends...

10. Making his heart beat again...





and...


Julian is busy..... writing all other things he wanted to busy himself on...

Let Me See...

i was in the comfort room washing my face when an officemate came in.

"uy. ngayon lang kitang nakitang walang salamin..."

"ah. hindi. nakatanggal lang..."

"uy alam mo friend. mas bagay sau ng walang salamin.. magcontacts ka..."

"..."

"uu friend promise magcontacts ka.."

when i was near the door...

"magsasalamin na lang ako.. (smiling)"

i have received alot of comments about me not wearing glasses. they seem to appreciate my glasses-less eyes.. ha ha.

but i have been thinking about wearing contacts.

only i have been concerned of two things..

one.. poking my eyes witha thin sheet of lens..

and second.. unintentionally displacing it from where its supposed to stick on...

when i opened it to my mom, she was not into that idea.

she'd reason out... "tinutulugan mo nga ung salamin mo. tapos magk-contacts ka pa..."

i'd always end up silent... 

but one day. when she said that...

i'd thought of a very good reason for me to wear it while sleeping...

and it was...

"hindi ko kasi makita ng mabuti ung panaginip ko eh!"

...i say... i'd give it a try...

Short Term

when i got home one morning, i immediately went to the dining area, opened my bag and pulled out an avon brochure which my sister asked me to give my mom when we met near the mrt station. i placed it on the dining table and after which i grabbed a piece of bread and started taking bites on it. i went to the kitchen area for a while, to check on what's on the fridge and what's cooking, but there wasn't any. so i went back to the dining table, took my bag and went to the sofa. when i remembered that i needed to give something to my mom, i checked my bag. to my surprise it was opened and the thing i was supposed to give my mom wasn't there.

 

what immediately came to my mind was, "talaga naman, pati ba yun eh nanakawin pa!" i kept on searching and searching my bag but to no avail. when my mom came, i told her that there was something that was missing in my bag, and that something was for her.

 

and then i realized. damn, i left it on the table.

The Next Emily... That's All

twenty days after writing my first post for this year, here i am back. still the old me. for the past 20 days i became the short time workaholic. doing overtimes. working for the holidays. and working more than what is expected from me. i haven't gone out with any friend other than my bestfriend. never drank booze. never lit a cigar. never did anything to fulfill my social needs. just plain work. not even blogging. on top of it was the bad cough and colds that i was experiencing for the last week of december and first week of january...

may kasabihan sila na pag may specific na ginagawa ka sa simula ng taon. lets say "nagtatrabaho" sa simula ng taon, eh yun na daw ang gagawin mo buong taon. eh ako? wala nmn ako sa office nung new year. pero the night of jan 1, i was in the office. hmm. so ibig sabihin pala buong taon, puro trabaho ako? waaah. although kasabihan lang sya, feeling ko at some point mangyayari sakin. wag naman sana.

start the year right. how do we start the year right? sabi ko nga dati i need to balance my work and non work activities, pero mukhang hindi. ive been telling that to myself since i started my first job but until now, feeling ko, im back to my old self. the workaholic-no-social-life life. pero hindi naman ako stressed sa work. nag-eenjoy pa nga ako pag nappressure ako eh. pag nangangarag. kasi mas gumagana ang pag-iisip ko pag ngaragan.

pero i need to take a change. cge. gow. kaya ko yan. go for work and non-work balance. goodluck sa akin.

have a happy new year!

2009!

it always feels the same. i always feel the same. the feeling of excitement. joy. fun. happiness. perkiness. just everything positive. its almost an hour past midnight with "happy by lighthouse family" on my player and now i've started to go over what 2008 meant for me.

"who says you can't be happy all the time... i'm still gonna try" 

there are so many things and happenings to be thankful for. good memories. good things. good experiences. a lot of memories to be cherished and remembered. 

and amidst all those, there are these bad times. bad happenings. may be even worse. but then again, as we all would say, let us not dwell on such things. let us learn from it. remember them only to remind us of the lessons we need to learn so as not to commit the same mistakes again. 

just another fresh  start for me. this year. 2009.

happy new year to everybody!

Good Morning!

I was on my way to Trinoma one afternoon riding a trike (yes, i ride a trike - poor lang!) when I saw this larger sticker posted on a tricycle...

And I thought to myself to make this post of things that make my mornings real good...

1. Breakfast in bed. You wake up starving. And your too lazy to get up and prepare breakfast. Or perhaps, too lazy to get up to get  food. A morning breakfast in bed would be great!

2. The perfect sunlight. Although gloomy and rainy mornings are also good, as they induce more pillow-hugging, hiding-under-your-blanket, crawling into your bed action, I'd rather have the sunlight every morning. Not the almost-noon-sunlight, but the sunrise-sunlight..

3. Waking up from a perfect dream. The dream you have been daydreaming about. The dream that you wished would come true. The dream that you wished would never end. I would sometimes think this is a good morning breaker, as when you wake up, you realize that you were only "dreaming." But for things we know would be impossible to reach, dreams make perfect sense.

4. Completing the 8 hours sleep. Who would wanna wake up with less than 8 hours of sleep. Completing 8 hours of sleep for me would me 24-hour patience..

5. Waking up with the one you love. Morning kisses. Morning hugs. Morning romance. Morning sex! No. Really. Just the feeling of waking up with the one you love is just plain real good.

Next stop... my real bad morning starters... 

How bout you?

Bannerism

Ha ha.

My new banner.

Still looks crappy. But hell, I'm happy I was able to make one.

Still have a lot to learn about Fireworks and Photoshop.

Goodluck! 

Enjoy!

BTW,

that's not me! ha ha.

Laptop Blogs Revisited - 50 me

50 me

Saturday, May 05, 2007

10:42 PM

1. i have thought so many times if i will write these 50 things about me... oh i mean 49...

2. call me **** or julian. i know who calls me **** and who calls me julian...

3. im 23... damn i am... and i am single... damn for the second time.

4. former call center agent, hate the work...

5. bs biology graduate

6. frustrated med student, but still wants to be a doctor (no way! not after watching grey's anatomy?)

7. ms microbiology student, now

8. had experienced working and studying at the same time, keeping awake for three days just to keep up...

9. they say im organized. hah! who said i am? go to my room and check all the mess. my sis calls me oc-oc... but im so used to it... hahahaha...

10. i love music... i enjoy all types of music....

11. i love movies, especially musicals, those with a lot of dancing... movies like chicago, high school musical, dreamgirls... but i also like some others...

12. i can get myself busy all the time...

13. i love watching television series, this is the reason i would want to stay at home. i can watch all day... grey's anatomy, prisonbreak, joey, scrubs, house md, entourage, and a lot more coming...

14. i love taking and collecting pictures...

15. i love dancing... only im unsure if i have two left feet... well i can dance fairly, in a club, perhaps...

16. i sing... in the shower... hahaha... i sing if im alone... im always off the note, hahaha...

17. im a sleep crack...

18. cant live without my eyeglasses...

19. i hate working at night, i'd rather party... nightlife...

20. i read... pocketbooks, scientific articles and books (i just feel the need to)

21. i love my mom's spaghetti, the most perfect spaghetti for me...

22. i'm a green salad fan!

23. i play volleyball, badminton and table tennis but am never good at it..

24. i spend my time playing pc games... always goes for the easy level, yet takes me time to finish the game..

25. i treat coke as water..

26. i never get fat... though i eat so much...

27. i'm the silent type... (i wish)... really... no fuzz...

28. i dont watch horror movies...

29. i dont sing in videoke bars. rarely you would see me sing, not till im drunk!

30. i surf the net a lot...

31. i chat a lot as well...

32. im lazy at texting and replying to people...

33. i hate fighting about money...

34. i hate insensitive people...

35. certified aquarian...

36. i'm bad at directions...

37. im worse at remembering names.

38. i love answering questions in yahoo! answers

39. i love going out (well depende sa mood), i'm more of a night person, sanay sa puyatan, pero nag-resign sa call center para makatulog sa tamang oras... weird no??

40. i hate my hair.. it's the hardest thing to manage....

41-50. i'll leave it up to you guys to fill in...

Blow-out

Laptop Blogs Revisited

Wednesday, August 01, 2007

3:32 AM

Get a life!! I know how you work!! I'm not gonna lose it ONE MORE TIME. You got me ONCE, you'll never get me again!!!

********

Hayz, I'm just inches away from another blow-out! Not the happy blow-out everybody is thinking about, but it’s the negative interpretation.

As you know, your father has read your journal and has found out that "you know" skeleton-in-the-closet thingie. And all my reasons didn’t work out. And with all due respect, I promised my dad that I'll never be what he is thinking with which I never fulfilled. He actually asked my to burn that journal, but "hell no!"

Now, he is here again. He so suspicious. When he came home from Laoag one day and I was sleeping, he woke me up just to say I'm here and he looked at my room, scrutinizing the papers here and the things there. Though I'm still sleepy as oil during those times, I still managed to look after him as he did his scrutinizing. And fortunately, he found nothing.

Then this incident happened. Today, or I mean, earlier today, I went down to watch TV and as usual, for "safety" purposes, whenever I leave my laptop, I would normally log it off and close it. I did log it off but did not close the laptop. I didn’t because I thought they were asleep. As I watched the cute Jumong do his act, I heard the sound of the screensaver (Like a burning something) and it was loud. Loud that I could hear it and loud that my dad woke up just to stare at the computer.

Hearing someone come out of the room. I immediately jumped out of my seat and went up just to realize that he was staring at the laptop trying to figure out what the sound was and what's on the screen.

I never thought that the screensaver shown was (****)'s pic ******** (super hot and super sexy - super yummy!!)

I think my father was having a hard time figuring out what the image was, partly because of the flame thingie that covers the image and changes the color, the dark colored feature of the pic, plus the angle from where he is looking at. He is looking from the top of the laptop - laptops have different colors when viewed from different sites.

With that in hand, I immediately looked at the monitor, shocked at the picture I saw (oooh sexy!) and immediately closed the laptop. And as usual my fathers scrutiny rose again. He was asking if I had a secret in there that I didn’t want him to know. I didn’t answer the question and asked if the sound creating a noise. He just said yes, went back to the room as I checked on my laptop.

I went down with my laptop and realized what I didn’t do. And reasoned out to myself that I have rights to privacy. I have the rights to have secrets from my father. I'm old enough to do so.

Male Twins

was checking on my officemates zune when i came across his pictures. he's not gay nor bi. he's actually straight. and has a family. a beautiful wife and two goodlooking kids (and i'm not gonna talk about how cute his kids are, talk about pedophiles! choz!). there were several family pictures taken in a studio where they were all in white. all happy. all smiles. and all poised and ecstatic for the camera.

and it came to my mind. gusto ko din mag-ka-family. i wanted kids. i don't wanna adopt one. kasi feeling ko parang hindi ako yun eh. i wanted kids na galing sa genes ko. from my lineage. from me. i want them to get some of my features. of my mom's features. and some more. i wanted male twins. although they aren't as easy to handle as baby girls, they are, i think, less magastos. eh babae, andaming ka-kikayan. pero with the society today, aba parang mas maraming pang ka-kikayan ang lalake (minus the napkins and tampons!). but i don't want them to grow up like me. well siguro wag lang effem. (e parang gurl n rin yun eh). basta. sometimes, it comes to my mind na gusto ko rin magka-family.

eto pa. although i am not pressured about passing my last name to the next generation. i kinda feel it. my eldest sibling, which is my sister, already has 2 sons. they won't get our last name obviously. they are a happy family. my brother, which is next, has a daughter! she would, by-law, carry our last name. but when she gets married and have kids, her kids won't have our last name. in short. katapusan na ng last name namin! well, at least sa family namin. eh pano kung hindi magkaanak ng lalake ung kuya ko? (not obviously him, but his wife, for the love of God!) patay ako nyan!

waaaah. i-legalize ang cloning! yun ang solusyon! i remembered misterhubs' post (happy father's day). na-touch ako dun. sana pagdating ng gnung taon, when trips to mars eh isang tumbling lang, eh pwede na yung gnun...

hayz. kau? wanna have kids too?

the culprit

i was with a date who invited me to a party where he would be hosting an event when my memories started flowing in... while he was practicing his spiels and thinking of lines, we were watching a madonna video... i suddenly blurted out "sya ang dahilan kung bakit ako ganito... at mahilig sa music..."

OMG.. si madonna? of course not. i hated madonna so much during the early years of my gay and audiophilic world...

it was when high school when i found out my real preference. i was watching studio 23 (during that time adik na adik ako sa american series ng studio 23 noon - time of my life, john doe, then came you, charmed, buffy, angel), then may isang show dun.... 25 hottest celebrities under 25 (not sure baka 21 hottest celebrities under 21). they were doing the countdown until the number one was revealed. said to myself, "hmmm... cute sya." i became attracted. kulot pa sya nun. took note of his name and the band he belonged to.

at dahil hindi pa uso ang internet sa akin nun (malay ko sa iba), i told myself, i needed to get their album para may picture ako nya (so high school no?). so i bought their album. and i listened to it and i loved it. i even bought songhits para may pictures ako nya. (now, im telling myself - "waaaaah, so high school talaga").

and that's when i started loving music. and being gay as well. until i found another cute boyband member... bought their album... and listened to it... and enjoyed it...

along with my increasing awareness to the gay side was my increasing collection of casette tapes. i remember going to school stuffing my bag with six casette tapes and my walkman... i came to a point where i would literally save my allowance to buy an album. i was buying an album every week... until now i still have most of the casettes that i bought. i think that last one i purchased was enya's album...

casette collection ko...

until na-expose na ako sa gay world.. and sa lahat ng uri ng music.. and neither faded...

now, of course, hindi na casette... cd/dvd na. and thanks to the internet... music is more accessible (kahit illegal... bad bad)... thanks to the makers of ipod, music is now lightweight and portable..

as of right now, my ipod has 11,500 songs and more than 700 music videos...

when i finished telling him all the reasons why, madonna's second mtv off her latest album "hard candy" has already started...

My History

Writing things these personal isn't really a new stuff for me. Neither is blogging. I've been doing this journal thingy ever since I was in high school. The only difference was that, I was using a notebook before... now my laptop (offline)... and finally blogger.com...

I particularly blame my high school English professor who made journal writing a requirement. That was 1999... And I remember, I did wrote on every country-wide event done to celebrate Y2K! And I could always read on to what I wrote... laugh about my grammatical errors (up until now) and everything that happened to me...

College came, and I was still writing... but this time, my journal went public. My close friends at school had access to my journals and can read it whenever available, take it home and mumble through the pages and I even left spaces for them to leave comments... However, journal entries written were of the wholesome type, not revealing anything about my sexuality and my sexual fantasies (I've been this way since I was high school)... I kept my secret until someone (who is also gay) opened it up to me privately, while on the garage, on my 20th birthday... He knew it after another gay guy (which turns out to be a classmate of mine) knew my ex and told him about me (argh. see what the internet can do for you!?!). Eventually, I told some (or I mean only one, on top of 3 gay classmates) of them the truth (which they had no choice but to accept me...).

My journal writing became dormant for a couple of months, after graduation.. or I guess more than a year...

It is not until I got my laptop when I started writing again. Thanks to Microsoft OneNote, which served as my closest buddy and journal, my journal came back to life. And I called it "Laptop Blogs." Since it never ran out of pages, has a lot of space for everything and no one can open it that easily, I wrote and pasted everything I felt, crushes I had (including pics), important YM chats and very long text messages to people... "Changes" was the name of my entries for 2007... "Irreplaceable" for 2008 (but I guess it's not)...

Since I consider myself a "late-bloomer," it is only now that I decided to take my journals in public... "one more time..." With a wider audience... but with the anonymous slur. I know somewhere and somehow, someone I know will be able to read this and find out about me, but I'll think about that when the actual "shit" happens...

Sa totoo lang, parang wala na nga akong pakialam kung malaman nila eh (tapang!!). Mag-effort muna sila na alamin kung sino ang nasa likod ng blog na ito. (Try to find out, you'd only see circuits and be lucky if you don't get electrocuted!!)

Hope this blog goes well...